String of love

She's brave. She's strong. She's a miracle. An angel. An amazing soul. A kind heart she's got. She stands tall through the times of hardship. And she never gets tired trying to help her loved ones out. She just can't sit around and watch things happen, she believes in making wonders with smiles. There's never been a time when I have seen her lose hope. She has been an optimist and has showered her love on me all times. If you are wondering, who is she? She is my love. And she already knows that.

She's not the only one who pours immense love on me, there happens to be another tender soul in my life. He believes in expressing our truest emotions to the persons we love the most. He loves to crave the company of his friends, and do all that it takes to make them smile. He is pure at heart and a generous one. Shy but not so shy at times! Love is all that he gives away and is what he craves the most. Times might get rough but never ever does he let things go out of his hands. Staying calm at the roughest times is what I have learned from him. Who is he? He is my bud. My carbon copy except for the fact that he is a lot more patient than I am.

They are the main reason that I stay in one piece. I may get on their nerves sometimes but never do they lose it with me. To have hope is what they teach me and never once have they given up on me. They let me be and hold on to me. They love me deeply and it shows. I have been blessed to have found two siblings who don't just hold on to each other but share their string of love with me as well. To sing and swirl in the storm is the outcome of their strength and love. Love is what's bigger than us. They inspire me, they are my mentors, they are my stress busters, they are my strength. Everything happens for a reason and my horizon got brighter with these two stars as they happened to me.

My love for them is a genuine one and a stronger one!

H.O.P.E.

Life is not a bed of roses, certainly thorns are unforgettable part of it. You can't lie in it without getting yourself peirced at certain occasions. Life was never easy and times are always difficult. As we walk the road, we are some times knocked down so bad. At times, there's no strength left to stand up again. You feel vulnerable and you find million reasons to give all up. Solitude and despair outgrows you. You may also mistake it to be the end of your day. But one must never forget, end is always the beginning. Nothing really ends bad for anyone. We find a new path to tread on. We take the different road and we find a new hope. Life is something that you cant just ditch and your heart is something that will never stop desiring. Hearts are delicate. They only understand love. And love never leaves our side. The invisible shield of love always protects us and makes us go on. Take it from some one who's been there, there's always hope, there's always a way. Stay happy in the darkest hour and you will find light of the stars. Walk in the gloomiest street and you will find a tender hand of a friend. You fall, you rise. You cry,  you smile. And time flies. When they say, times are never the same, they are right. For, we never stay the same, why shall time be any different? Find a reason to smile everyday. Smiles heal. I have heard that Smiles make wonders! Never let your heart shatter.Even if they do, don't give up. When there's nothing, there's hope. And hope does miracles!
Always H.O.P.E. for when you Hold On, Pain Ends, and when it does,
Smile and stay beautiful, everything will look beautiful to your eyes. For you are beautiful at heart!

Pleasure

One finds different ways to work things out. One has thousands of reasons to escape situations and surely,one discovers a variety of things that would give him the feeling of pleasure. A feeling that makes you feel alive, like you had just found your new self. When one does something out of pleasure, one is filled with positive vibes,as if nothing was ever wrong or could go wrong now. Happiness, in other forms, as excitement and anxiousness conquers one completely. I love that delirious feeling. What do I do to feel that way? I make myself absorb in a well written story and i get lost in it. It feels lively and pleasant every time. I always end up accusing people of various things for their roles and getting excited and anxious and disheartened and disapointed and all the things a person in real feels. I don't just read i live the moments. And that gives me utter happiness. When the stories end, however, i always get carried away and sometimes, even move to tears. I have sometimes even found myself in silence and grief and over whelmed. At times, also have to remind myself that it was another story that i was reading that has come to an end. I love imagining stuff. Fantasies turns me up the most. I fancy the epic and wild fictions that i love to read. I think as if i have already lived different lives. Most of them have happy endings.
  Life is all about being part of the long race that never lets you rest. Why lead the path with boredom and why just live once! I say, we live our wildest fantasies and feel joy every time. Best thing about fictional stories, you can always have happy endings. That leaves you more joyous than before.

Dreamless night!

And she fell asleep after midnight. Soaked in her own tears. Despair all over her face. Her lips pressed together in the hardest line. She lay motionless. Breathing against her will. It was a dreamless night, what was left of it. There was no wound but the pain was excruciating. Unbearable every second.
 But she could not sleep forever. She had to wake up. Life stood still on the door step and the time swayed silently. Any minute now, the alarm would go on and she would be up.
 And she would have to go by her routine. Any minute now. Birds started to chirp and light hit the glass. Her heart still shadowed. She was writhing again. Shouting for relief but no sound echoed. Just the chirp. Alarm woke her up, but her cries were all that she could hear. She sat up, all hopes abandoned now. Hold on pain ends, she enchanted and bravely put on a smile and got herself ready to step out and embrace life,  ignoring her bleeding heart.

For my mother

I remember, I read this Chapter Mother's day few years ago and it still seems freshly pasted back in my mind's screen. It was quite intriguing, I guess I liked the idea of it..... well it taught me some things. I love that chapter because I always imagine my so not wicked sister in that character. Mothers are the best creation of the almighty. He did made a mistake by creating humans and imparting them with minds but then he amended his fault by creating mothers. They are the best things that could ever happen to anybody. You can live without friends, you can live without money, you can live without a lot many other things..... but one thing you can't, is........separated from a mother's love, her affection, her food, her sacrifices, her smile.

I am actually blessed to not just have one mother..... but two mothers! Yes, I was born from one and the other has been looking out for me always. No, she didn't give birth to me, but the same blood flows through her veins as mine. No, she is not very mature, but always mature enough to take care of me. She was always there when I needed her. Very spectacular thing about  mothers, they never ask for anything in return! You ask for one rupee, they'll give you double. You ask for food, she'll give you the best she can get you. She'll not wear fancy clothes, she'll always want you to wear what you like. She'll make countless sacrifices with a smile. My both mothers have done that a plenty of times. I wonder, what would I be if I hadn't got both of them at the same time in my life. No, she isn't my aunt that I am talking about, she is my sister. She's the one who has been bestowing her love on me since the day I was born. Yeah, I irritate her a lot(These days it is the opposite though.), I can talk anything in front of her, my all not so very promising demands, I keep bugging her with stuff like I wish I had this, I wish we could do that and stuff. She listens always, and then she'll say something really stupid that would make my stomach to ache and eyes to tear from laughing! She's like that! She is crazy but amazing! She is not very old (Okay, I keep reminding her that she is old :p) and very kidish at times but she is extraordinarily mature enough to handle things. She guides me, supports me, encourages me(after she is done demoralizing me), humor me, irritates me, inspires me. She is my idol. She is my strength. She is my inspiration. She is my stress buster. She is my second mother. She is my pagli but she is mine. I love her unconditionally. I don't know why but even her out of the blue reactions don't even make me hate her a little. I grew up...... envying her, she's been always perfect in my eyes. She is smart, she is beautiful, she is everything. I remember I used to copy her, I loved it when we walked and our feet and hand moments matched. I love it when I can tell what is she upto when she is acting stupid. I love it when she breaks moments of silence by saying something funny. I have always admired her. I know when ever I'll fall, she'll be there to pick me up(Of course, after she is finished laughing!), but she will pick me up!

There's a song that reminds me of her every time I listen to it, "Butterfly fly away!"

Little things you do for me, and nobody else makes me feel good. Little things you do for me making me smile when no one else could. That's why I like to sit next to you, hear your mad stories, I know they're not true. The little things you say to me, make me laugh out loud and not when I should, that's why I like to hang out with you. I can never guess the next stupid thing you'll do. And I like you.

Stupid girl, you are stuck with me for a long long time!

Crush

Dear Diary,

I don't know what's happening to me. These days I am unintentionally lost......Not that I don't want to..... But because I don't really mind getting lost. It's a change that doesn't bother me but the after effects do. Is it happening for real? Well, I feel as if I have started day dreaming. I sound crazy! She'll drive me crazy and she wouldn't even know.

 She's beautiful.......at heart I'm talking about. No, I haven't talked to her but I have seen her. I have watched her. You know, she goes crazy when she's super excited. Does she know that I exist? The other day, I thought she smiled at me. Did she really? I have been playing hide and seek around her. It feels extraordinarily amazing. She talks too much when she's happy. Does she know I watched her dance once evening? She was looking simply an angel! She too listens to songs the way I do....


Her eyes talk to me. That's what I imagine. She talks to me.....all the time..... and the time she doesn't.... I have my gaze on her. Once, I felt pain seeing her eyes. She was abnormally silent. That day, she didn't utter a word. She had that smile on her face but I could tell she was faking it. I felt so helpless..... I couldn't hug her and ask what was bugging her. I could feel she wanted some one to hold her. Wish, I could be there. Would she want me? You know, a day before, I saw her with her friends..... one of the boys.... held her hand. Do you think she likes him? I couldn't bear the moment. I don't want to bear moments like that. Would she hold my hand? Would I ever talk to her in real? What would I say? I feel as if I haven't been alive before. She fills my heart with happiness. She makes me feel delirious She makes me feel myself. I'm not falling for her, am I? I love watching her do things she wants. She likes all these little things...... butterflies, flowers, swings, long routes, nice weather, Ice cream, Chocolates. Oh, I am crazy for her. She's my misty dream.

Would she ever feel the same way for me? I'll go crazy. Well, I love this feeling. It wouldn't bother me even if she doesn't. Because I choose to feel this way. She's not someone to be tamed. If we are meant to be..... we will be together irrespective of the blank spaces between us.

 

The Visit!

It was a lovely morning, the weather had turned up to be windy and cloudy but it was a pleasant morning. Everything felt great all of a sudden, the chirping of birds, and the merry of kids (from distant houses), the hustling of leaves and the dance of the wind. I too was dancing while making breakfast. I enjoyed living alone, far from the crowd, on the outskirts of town with a beautiful backyard and trees and flower beds all around. My curly hair danced on their own beat as if they were playing on the wind swirls.

There was somebody at the door, the constant ringing of the doorbell could not spoil my mood or make me yell in frustration (which I usually did). I was happy after a long time, a very long time it had been for me (Life becomes difficult to live when you get all alone, when somebody you want the most is no more with you). I felt numb as soon as I yanked the door open. I felt as if I was struck by thunder or lightening or something.

“This has to be…….. Oh!” , I heard a young boy’s voice but he did not complete the sentence he was about to say. I didn’t see his face as my eyes were fixed on the face of the angel. I couldn’t believe he was actually standing there after all. I was gaping. I don’t know what kind of emotions and feelings were rushing inside of me, I don’t know how much faster my heart was pumping and the blood was racing in my veins.

Was I stunned? Yes, of course! Was I happy? To be honest, I think I did scream happy in my heart. Was I Hyperventilating? Definitely!! And then I came back to life when I heard a child’s cry! And that was the time I realized that he was holding a baby! A baby!! Was I upset? May be. Was I freaking out? Yes obviously! Was I awestruck? That’s an understatement!

“Uh……. Uh…….. Hi!”, said the boy holding the baby!

“I think we’ve got the wrong address!”, said the younger one.

“Definitely!”, I said automatically  in an awe.

“Hi!”, repeated the boy.

“Noah……. Dyllan…… what are you……. Guys doing here?(Dyllan was the guy I loved and Noah was his cousin) There was silence for starting few seconds but it was broken by the cries of the baby. “I’m sorry but he has been crying. We were looking for his nanny. I guess, we’ve got the wrong address.”

“Well, where is his………. Mother??” Was I furious? May be. Was I Cursing? May be….. a little! “She’s stuck in the traffic.”, answered Noah while Dyllan was trying to hold the crying baby still. “How long has he been…….. crying?” “I got my answer!”, I said seeing their expressions. The baby leaned to me. “Oh….. no….. oh baby!”

“ He likes you already!!”, said Dyllan happily and half relieved. “I can’t do this.” “Oh, you are good with kids. You love them.” “I haven’t really handled one all by myself especially one this……. Cute and small. He’s so fragile!”, I half shouted.

“Please!?”, the boys urged.

“Hey baby…… let’s get inside.”, I turned slowly… followed by the boys. “Well, you better start looking for his nanny!”, I said sternly. “Already on it!”

“May be he is hungry!”

“Well what does he take?”, I asked, completely blank I was that time.

“Here…” Dyllan handed me the paraphernalia. After the child was fed, he fell asleep in my arms. That took around an hour or so and a lot of furious looks thrown at Dyllan, some silent yells and a hell lot of patience! It was silent finally. Dyllan sanked into the couch while I was rocking the baby in my arms. “He looks so beaut…….. when he’s asleep……(I frowned at him thinking how could someone say that about his own kid) I mean, when he is not crying!”, he said when I settled the little one in the bed carefully. “He looks like an angel!”

I sighed. We both sat aside silently. “I didn’t know you were still here.”, he said softly. “Likewise.”

“How are you?”, he asked as if he could not judge it through my eyes. Oh, he asked the wrong question at wrong time. I didn’t say a  word. “Any luck?”, I changed the topic the moment I saw Noah entering the room. “Nah! Sorry to bother you though!”

“I asked you something!” “I am hungry….. did you guys eat anything?” I looked around and could tell that they hadn’t. “I’ll go get something then!”

I was in the kitchen preparing more food now to eat. “This place is just like the previous one……things are still the same! ” “Not really.”, I said sarcastically. Suddenly it was getting hot inside me. I pulled up my hair but he interrupted saying, “I like them opened!” and the very moment I pulled up my hair into a tight bun!

“Are you upset?” And I was thinking how he could ask so casually as if nothing happened. As if the past few years never passed in reality. “Why would I be upset?”, I lied ofcourse.

“What’s wrong?” Oh, now I was at my peak ready to burst the moment I heard him ask the question.

“You……. You were gone! I was here! Right here! And now out of the blue…. You show up at my door……. With a baby! So of course I am upset!!!”, I yelled.

“He’s not my baby.”, he said half smiling. His lips were not curled into a smile but I could see his eyes alighted with that notorious smile he occasionally carried.

“Then why the hell are you with him? Why are you looking for a nanny?”

“Because he’s my brother’s child!” He broke out into laughter.

“Oh! So he’s not……. ”

“No!”

“I thought…… oh…… shit!!”

“You are still crazy, you know!”

“You knew I would think that….. you didn’t clarify!”

“I wanted to see you react because otherwise you would not have talked properly”

“Oh I hate it when you do that! I hate you!!”

“And I still love you!” Was I silent? Yes (from the outside). Was I screaming? That would be an understatement!

What about the baby? Well , later in noon, I did meet his parents and the nanny because of whom it all happened! The weather had turned me up again……Was I smiling? Hell yeah! Was he really there? No he was in my fantasy. I was day dreaming. I was shaken by Angelica sitting right besides me in the Orientation programme!

The urge

“Holy Lord! Look at the time. I think it’s time to leave.” He stood up while I was still sitting in the park bench. I didn’t want to get up. It was starting to get dark now.

“Come on!” He held out his hand stretched for me. He was happy, very happy indeed. I could feel his smile through his eyes. I hated to spoil his evening. He was happy and that was important for me, that’s what I had wanted. However, I was having a hard time to keep the switch of my feelings turned off. It felt like the switch would flicker on by itself any moment now. As if I would just explode, my feelings would make their way out any second now. I had put my feelings on a hold for a very long time now and it seemed difficult now.

Emotions were trying to crawl out somehow. Eyes were on the verge to get numb. Words were fighting with each other to break out. I felt myself stranded in somewhere dark, where there was no hope, where everything was so sad….. like something terrible had happened.

I sat silently with my head leaned against the passenger side’s window. I watched the lights flash different shades in the streets, something I rarely did. I was constantly murmuring, “Calm down!” to my heart (only audible to myself), something I did when I felt uprooted inside. He was driving me home, singing his favorite songs, something he did when he was happy.

          Usually, I would irritate him to extreme level. He never complained though. He never made me feel that he was annoyed. He always had this pleasing smile on his face even at the times I scolded him, I taunted him, I annoyed him, every time…… for everything I did. He was an angel for me. He was that person who had the strength to bear me no matter what I was, no matter how hard I pushed him, no matter how much I upset him or distress him or annoy him. He was somebody who couldn’t possibly exit in real but he did. He was my dream guy.

He waited till I got in my house. I was fighting a hundred of impulses to ask him to stay but I felt the words stuck in my throat. He was happy, I couldn’t just do that to him.

          “Beautiful evening!” He remarked as I turned with a brave front and a huge fake smile. I was good at pretending and today, I hated myself for that. “Goodbye!” I finally bid my last words for the evening (I thought them to be).

“I can’t find it!” He said suddenly searching his pockets and all around. I thought he had dropped something. I too started looking for it was. “What is it?” I asked puzzled as I could not actually see it on the ground.

“Your smile” I froze as I heard him. I didn’t dare spin around. “What do you mean?” I asked with fear in my heart. Blood was racing in my veins. My heartbeat was so fast that I had to hold on to the door for support. He didn’t say a word until he stood facing me. He held my hand gently in his……”You think you are good at pretending but let me tell you…… you are not good at fooling me! ”

A teardrop fell at the very words. “I……” I just wanted to hug him and start crying and wanted to ask him to stay so badly. But I couldn’t.

“I’ll stay.” He said…… making me shed more tears. There were no other words that could make me feel better, lighter. I never understood how could he always tell what was bugging me, what did I need, whom I wanted. He said he loved me. I don’t know why I cried. I don’t know why I wanted him to stay with me. I don’t know why he mattered to me so much. I didn’t know anything. I was just crying and he was holding me like he would never let go. He said it a million times that he loved me…… that I mattered to him the most. I was just crying and crying and I didn’t know why.

I'm wide awake

I woke up...... and found myself wrapped in my quilt rather than his arms. He was no where around. What I thought was soaking my tears, turned out to be the pillow with stained patches all over it and not his shoulder. It was bright and yet dark.  Birds were chirping but I couldn't hear their song any more. I woke up into my worst nightmare. I woke up despite the feeling of sleeping forever. It had been a dream, a dream so peaceful, that had me deeply fooled. It was a dream that's never coming true.

Haven't

We haven't met but we are friends.
We haven't lost in each other 's eyes but I am in love with your eyes.
We haven't exchanged numbers, yet we have talked a lot of times.
We haven't hugged but you have always spread the warmth.
We haven't crossed ways but you are with me most of the time.
We haven't zinged and yet you cross my mind.
We are miles apart, yet very closer to my heart.
We haven't cried but we have shared our sorrows.
We haven't loved and yet I feel like I have loved you for ever.

Never ending desires

Obviously desires are never enough! So here's more to my list of All I Want -

 All I want is to be needed, needing is not enough.

All I want is to sing, lyrics are not enough.

All I want is to write, expressions are not enough.

All I want is love, feelings are not enough.

All I want is time, moments are not enough.

All I want is to roam, streets are not enough.

All I want is to read, mails are not enough.

All I want is the Truth, excuses are not enough.

All I want is emotions, care is not enough.

All I want is stars, horizon is not enough.

All I want are memories, pictures are not enough.

All I want is my guy, imagination is not enough.

All I want is to be myself, this life is not enough.

All I want is everything, desires are not enough.

Well  The Ocean of Thoughts was so inspired by ALL I WANT that he couldn't stop himself from writing along.

Here enjoy reading the All I Want list of Chahat Gupta-

All I want is to talk , but tym is not enough
All I want is to fly , sky is not enough
All I want is to look smart , clothes r not enough
All I want is to be relaxed , spending tym wid u is enough
All I want is to buy all d happiness , money is not enough
All I want to get everything from d god , my wishes r not enough
All I want is to be strong , but only gyming is not enough
All I want is to shine , sun is not enough
All I want is to be cool , moon is not enough
All I want is to express my emotions , words r not enough

All I want is to show my body, but my abs r not enough
All I want is to apologize to others, but sorry is not enough.
All I want is to hug u, but people's thinking is stupid enough
All I want is u to wear shirts, I think u don't have shirts enough
All I want is ur happiness, but only my non sense humorous r not enough